‘A better day’ by Frank

I wasn’t always alone. I had Janet my wife and two kids, Paul and Ellie. But life took its toll, as life does.

First my marriage broke down. Janet moved out taking the kids and I started drinking, just a bit in the evenings but soon it became more.

I started showing up at the depot where I worked with hangovers or ringing in sick, so it wasn’t long before I lost my job too. Janet stopped me seeing the kids because of the drink. I was so angry I went over to hers but she wouldn’t let me in. I was pounding on the door accusing her of all sorts, and wouldn’t leave until her neighbours threatened to call the police.

I was embarrassed to see my friends because of everything that had happened, so I stopped doing any socialising. I had some savings but that went quickly and the bank repossessed the house so I moved in with a mate for a while, but his girlfriend didn’t want some bloke sleeping on the couch so I had to leave. At the time I was angry as hell and called her some choice names, but looking back I can’t blame her!

After a while I knew I had a real problem. I mean, I knew things were bad before but now I realised I couldn’t actually go for a day without drinking, and drinking hard. And I felt angry all the time. I just felt like life for me was 100% unfair.

One afternoon I was in the pub and I met Michelle. She was the sister of Julie who worked there and she came in with some mates. She was a bit younger but we got on and she even called me a ‘silver fox’, which she said means a handsome older guy. I felt a bit awkward at first but after a few drinks I started telling stories and make them all laugh, and when I asked for Michelle’s number she gave it to me. I couldn’t believe it. Michelle was nine years younger with auburn hair, a great body, kind eyes and a pretty face. It seemed amazing she could be interested in a ‘loser’ like me.

I was nervous when I rang her the first time, but she was pleased to hear from me and we met up at the Starbucks. She did comment on my shaky hands and I explained I had a drinking problem but I was getting help. That wasn’t true at the time and I felt bad for lying but I was serious about wanting to move on with my life.

We had a couple of – well not dates but meet ups, I suppose you’d call them. We got on pretty well. I was being a gentleman but to tell the truth I was keen to move to the next stage and ask her to stay the night.

Then one day I phoned and she said she felt bad but she didn’t think we should see each other again. When I asked why she said ‘Julie told me about you.’ That figured, Julie and Janet were close and I suspected she never thought much of me. Well I feel bad about this now but I went round to the pub and gave Julie an earful about it, effing and blinding. I didn’t realise how much I was yelling until Julie’s partner Doug called the police and I found myself in a cell. Things were really the pits.

But they sent a counsellor to see me, this lady called Dorothy, and in time she helped me turn things around. We talked through my problems and she gave me some advice about debt relief and urged me to join the AA. I didn’t want to believe I was ‘that person’, you know an actual alcoholic, but she helped me realise I was, but that didn’t mean I was a horrible person, it was something I could change. I even started to realise Julie was right, I wasn’t good for Michelle right now.

So fast-forward 18 months and I haven’t had a drink for almost a year. I was good for a couple of months, then fell off the wagon big time when I heard on the grapevine that Janet was getting married again, to some guy she’d been seeing at work. I suspected she’d started seeing him while we were still married and went ballistic. I admit I really wanted to make her pay, and I wanted to get my hands on this guy. But I knew the kids would be home so instead of going round there I drank half a bottle of Famous Grouse and passed out. Later, feeling pretty rough, I rang Dorothy and she was really good, saying it was up to me whether to let this news set me back or not. So I tried again, and this time I’ve managed, though it hasn’t been easy. I don’t go in any pubs and I’ve even asked the local shop not to sell me alcohol – Dorothy’s suggestion.

Michelle didn’t want to see me again for a while after the incident with Julie. In the past I would have kept texting and trying to talk to her but this time I backed off and left it a few weeks. Then I sent her a message asking her to give me one last chance and we went to see ‘Thor Ragnarok’ and had a really top night. After that we dated for a while and last month we moved in together. She’s a nurse and works hard and I felt guilty about not having a job. I’ve put my CV on a few sites, and I’ve started volunteering as a helper at the hospital where she works. I’m also training to do carpentry, my dad was a qualified carpenter and joiner and it’s something I’ve always been interested in.

Janet has started letting me see Paul and Ellie every two weeks for supervised visits and the last time she let me take them out alone for the first time and we had a ball. Things aren’t perfect but all in all you could say, from where I stand I can see a better day.