A bumpy road that never seems to end until one day your life turns positive …
Part 1: The beginning of the year
I had two friends that looked after me well in the first year of college, and the year passed quickly. I passed my BTEC level 1 in computing, so I went back in 2020 to do level 2. But after doing 3 months of it, the pressure and the hard work started taking its toll .
On top of that I was getting bullied and I kept reacting. College decided to not have me anymore and I left anyway. After speaking to my family about what to do next and after having a conversation with No Wrong Door, I finally came to the conclusion that I would go to ‘In2Work’ (a programme supporting young people to participate in work).
Part 2: Work and universal credit
The first day at In2Work was a little nerve racking but after settling in and meeting the staff, I knew that it was the best place for me. After some time doing cooking sessions, employabllity sessions and NVQ in customer service I was soon working well. This was a lot different to college as the group size wasn’t that big and I had people around me supporting me more and understanding my diffculties. In2Work then set me up with Universal Credit at the Job Centre (which firstly I thought was an absolute nightmare!).
I started staying at my nan and grandad’s from Mondays to Wednesdays, which worked okay for me. As I was on Universal Credit, I went to the Job Centre regularly – first 3 times a week then 2 times a week and finally once a week. As all this was going on, I was still doing my Hospital Radio sessions on Monday Nights in Hereford. I still love being on air.
Part 3: Hereford Hospital Radio monday nights
After a successful year on Hereford Hospital Radio with my trainer, I have learnt how to use myriad kinds of software on the computer. I have learned how to push up faders and how to talk confidently on the microphone. At the beginning I would use a pratice studio and would sit in on the show from 7 to 9pm which I thoroughly enjoyed. After 6 months of that, I knew I was ready to try an hour’s ‘training’ show from 5 to 6 on a Monday. My plan is eventually to host my own show.
I started writing scripts – each one is based on my memories of a show I have done. I wrote in my last story that I hoped to get my own Hospital Radio show; that hasn’t quite happened yet but my paperwork is all sorted now, and fingers crossed I’ll be able to do a Saturday sports show soon. In the meantime, I’ve been getting help from my GP with my mental health.
Part 4: Nearly doing something stupid
I got very stressed and anxious and kept clashing with my mum and stepdad and losing my temper with my grandparents. I went into a very dark place at home where I threatened to take an overdose of tablets. My Grandad John took me to see my GP and after we explained the situation to him he referred me to a service called Let’s Talk. I did a session of that, but after some more outbursts with my mum and grandparents the doctor prescribed me some tablets. These worked for a few days but that was it. I kept thinking about the past and one Sunday I couldn’t cope any longer. I threw some cake across the room, slammed a chair on the floor and pushed my grandad against the radio. Then I felt very upset and drained, and threatened to jump off the bridge and take my own life. Granddad helped me out and dialed 999 and the police and ambulance came.
Part 5: Being taken to A & E and having a nervous breakdown
Grandad John explained everything to the police and they soon left. I was depressed and crying. The ambulance workers soon arrived and explained that I’d have to go to A&E with my Grandad and talk to the crisis team. Grandad and Nanny helped me pack my stuff up and took me to A&E. Grandad said that on the way I was incoherent. We had to wait for a few hours at A&E. I felt like I was still fighting a ‘monster’ in my brain. I still do. It turned out I had had a mental breakdown with my granddad and the doctors put me on medication. They told me I would have to spend some time as an inpatient at Mortimer Ward.
Part 6: Mortimer Ward
I woke up at Mortimer Ward feeling anxious and gutted. But I soon met some new faces who were very kind and friendly towards me. I started taking respiration tablets that the doctor had given me and it calmed me down. The food in Mortimer Ward dining room is delicious. To begin with I was accompanied by an adult but now I’m allowed to go downstairs on my own. I’m also feeling much better within myself now, so things are on the up. I’m taking life step-by-step because it’s too hard when you think of it as one mammoth task. I’ve also spoken to a lot of people about supportive housing and I’m starting to think it would help me.
Part 7: Advice on supportive housing
My family and the doctors all think supportive housing is the best way for me to progress in my life. My Dad, who used to be a support worker, said he thought I would benefit from it. I would like to get into supportive housing as quickly as possible after I leave hospital. Dad tells me to just chill out and I try my best to relax but sometimes there are just too many barriers.
Part 8: A message and the end of my story (for now)
If you struggle in life, believe in your own abilities. There are people and things that are there to help and support you. You can make it. That’s what I’m learning every day, wherever I am, after the experiences I’ve had. Life is very tough and the right support sometimes can be hard to get but most of the time it’s there. You just need to reach out to grab it. People may get things wrong and make mistakes but at the end of the day they have your best interests at heart. Try to live life with no fear and have a laugh. Be bold and be brave but at the same time don’t be stupid. This is what I’m learning. It isn’t always easy, and there are ups and downs along the way, but you may surprise yourself. Whatever makes you happy is the thing you need to concentrate on. Not all the other stuff.