Twenty-three years ago He appeared at my side,
Until then just whispers, just eyes; He always had to hide.
Confidence; it grew with insignificant steps,
Edging ever nearer more familiar He would get.
He nuzzled at my hand ‘til I did take notice,
And He then became a companion, one of my closest.
As companions learn about each other, He did the same,
But He was stronger than me and I couldn’t match His game.
He led me, then, and pulled me down,
Slyly twisting my face to a frown.
And when He bit my throat, my soul it had to bleed,
And his angry eyes flashed as I struggled to get free.
He made me do things, say things aloud that I never meant to say.
And still now I grieve over them, almost every day.
But somehow in the deepest pit, I found myself a grip
And redoubled my strength with every scary slip.
I managed to climb out and cover up that hole,
Cursing Him and the part of my life He ruined, He stole.
I don’t know how I did it then it must have been by chance,
How did I break out of His controlling, compulsive dance?
Three years ago I felt his presence and turned my back away,
But with each glance He came closer, every single day.
Three days ago I felt His breath hot against my face,
I lay there still. How did He find me here in my safest place?
Eyes screwed tight I shut down for the night,
Only to have Him pounce on me with all of His black might.
He made me do things, say things aloud, that I never meant to say.
And still now I grieve over them, almost every day.
Now I feel lifeless, broken in His jaws
He looks up hungrily licking at my sores.
And here I am, His quarry; fallen without a fight,
His companion again; much to His delight.
How do I climb up now with his paw upon my chest
Dancing his futile dance again at His snarling behest?
My arms aren’t strong enough now to find the grip to hold
They’re weaker now, more weary than when I was 15 years old.
This time, with Him on my chest as heavy as a stone
I can hardly see the top of the hole, and this time I’m alone.